The Whoa of Husbandry

The idea of being a House Spouse may be alluring to many people, me included. But all things have their upsides and downside. Over the past year I have learned what it truly means to be a House Husband and how the roles have changed for both Marshall and I. But mostly for me!

Let’s get right into the nitty-gritty and begin with the cons of being a house spouse. I will list them, then discuss a few afterwards.

Thus, they follow!

• Motivation!!!
• Binging and Streaming anything you want.
• the kitchen doesn’t clean itself.
• You’re the handy man/woman/person.
• Realizing how dirty humans are.
• That’s gross.
• No days off.

It all seems petty, but these are true problems. First, motivation. No one will wake you up and tell you to do your job. There are no working hours, no clocking in or out. You are your own boss, and that’s not always a good thing. Some days it seems like the coffee never kicks in and you need to push yourself to just keep moving. Maybe Season 5 of Grace & Frankie just released on Netflix and the thought of going to the bathroom seems like an event. Maybe you drank too much the night before and can’t find joy in sunshine anymore. Alas, you must push through that shit, and just keep moving (Or cleaning).

This brings me to the next issue. YOU CAN BINGE AND STREAM ANYTHING! Gone are the days of waiting for Thursday night to watch ‘Friends’, or any show ever. You can just binge it all, see any movie and YouTube your day away. The world of entertainment is at your fingertips, when really your fingers should be washing those dishes in the sink or washing the windows. It is difficult to pull yourself away from the next Avengers movie or Grace & Frankie but again, you must keep moving (cleaning).

There is also the problem of breaking that sacred vow between you and your husband: Not to move forward in a show because your husband wants to watch it with you, together. The pain in his eyes as he sees that little red line under the next episode of your favorite show to watch together indicating that you went ahead and watched it without him is excruciating. His heart breaks knowing you found out the anticipated reveal of who murdered your favorite character. I believe it is actually one of the Ten Commandments: Thou shall not covet thy shows next episode without the spouses consent! But that’s enough on that topic. Moving on!

The kitchen is dirty, was dirty, and will be dirty 3 seconds after you clean it. How I long to have a clean kitchen for more than 10 minutes. Get over it baby, it will always be dirty.

And the final note on the cons of being a house husband is this: No days off. None! Things must be cleaned, washed, folded, wiped, bleached and disposed of every day! Ever heard of a 3 day weekend, cuz I haven’t! The worst is when your husband has a long weekend or took a few days off to relax at home. I once saw a Meme that said something like ‘Being married is having your spouse always in front of the drawer or cupboard you need to be in.’ Imagine that for 3 days straight, all day.

And now, for the Pros:

• When is cocktail hour again?
• No one witnesses your mistakes.
• Clothing optional. (Sometimes)
• Binging and Streaming anything you want!
• Sweet cleaning devices.

One of the greatest parts of being a house spouse is that you determine when drinking begins. Who says mimosas are not appropriate at 9am on a Tuesday. NO ONE!

I mean, you do have a job to do, just a few things. Cleaning, vacuuming, fixing, sewing, Lunch. Scrubbing, waxing, moping, polishing, tweeting, knitting, bathing and diner. Ok, so maybe you don’t have a lot of time to work in a glass or 6 of wine, but the point is still the same: You make the rules. As long as you do your job, no one will care if you drink. So take a break and enjoy a Cosmopolitan, preferably in a beautiful cocktail shaker you picked up on Amazon (Fancy! Day Drinking!).

Another amazing aspect of working at home is that there is no dress code. You can literally wear your pajamas all day, everyday. Pro tip: You can wear the same cloths a few days in a row because no one is around to smell you. But there is one person you do want to dress up and smell good for; Your husband! So put on those jeans and a t-shirt, he will appreciate it. Forget the mascara, no one cares.

And the most glorious and some may say sad pro of being a house spouse: Awesome cleaning devices! My husband allowed me to get a Vop. Yes, you read that right. It’s a vacuum and Mop in the same machine. No need to vacuum first and then mop, you do it all at the same time. Is it sad I dreamt of this machine before I got it?

The point I am trying to make is that it may seem glamorous to stay home and have someone else make the money. But remember, everything has its good and bad and it may not always work for everyone. There is no separation of home and work. You are always cleaning, you are always the maid and you are always making sure your husband and home are happy. Some will find that beautiful, some do not.

It’s not always roses baby, but you can always light a candle!

Be brave and have courage. You got this!